How to Survive Thanksgiving with your Family
Prepare yourself ahead of time by practicing relaxation techniques, meditating, or stocking small bottles of liquor in your socks, pockets and sleeves.
Tip: If you are seeing a therapist, now would be a good time to book an extra appointment or two.
Be Ready to Break Out in Song
It might cure everyone’s prejudices and bring harmony and unity to everyone present. Or at least it will drown out the arguing.
Plan Preemptive Strikes
Plan counterattacks for the questions that you know are coming. Maybe your mom pries into your love life, and your dad asks, “When are you going to get a real job?” Have responses pre-prepared regarding your dalliance with a cute doctor, and your nominations to receive a Nobel Peace prize.
Play Mind Games
When it is time for everyone to say what they are thankful for, have a sentimental spiel prepared about the person at the table you dislike most. It will completely throw them off guard.
Avoid Dish-Duty at All Costs
Show up to dinner wearing a bandage. Prepare a story about how you were injured, but leave it vague. Emphasize that you are not allowed to remove the bandage or get it wet.
Avoid confrontation with your loved ones by sleeping. Initial drowsiness can be achieved by watching TV and sitting around for hours, drinking too much red wine and eating excessive amounts of tryptophan-laced turkey. This combination leads straight to a Thanksgiving-coma which leaves you blissfully bypassing all family interaction.
If all else fails - Ditch your family and join the hordes of shoppers looking for Black Friday deals, sometimes a slow and painful death from getting trampled by the crowd is better than dealing with all the family drama in the first place.
Happy Thanksgiving! Let us know how you survive Turkey Day HERE